Always Me Read online

  My stomach twisted as guilt tore through me. I couldn’t take my relationship with Brett further. Not that I didn’t want to. I’d tried. No matter how hard I tried to get close to Brett, I couldn’t. Even though Sebastian was no longer alive, I felt like I was betraying him. I would want him happy. But the thought of him being with another woman made me want to throw up.

  I finished my shower and stepped out of the tub, wrapping a towel around myself. When I opened the door, a large ball of fur came bounding in, practically tackling me. “Rooster, God, you’re going to kill me one of these days.” Stupid cat.

  I shook my head at my cat’s obsession with water and walked into my bedroom. I headed to my closet and stopped when a tingle of unease spread over my skin. The hair at the back of my neck stood on end as my eyes darted around my bedroom. Nothing was amiss, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off.

  A soft whimpering cry sounded from the baby monitor on my nightstand, and I smiled, the panic in my belly slowly melting away. I threw on sweat pants and a T-shirt and pulled my hair into a messy bun, getting ready to greet my early riser of a son.

  I walked down the short hallway to Antonio’s room and opened the door. He was standing in his crib. His big brown eyes focused on mine, and he started jumping, a huge smile on his face.

  “Good morning, baby. Sleep well?” I lifted him, kissed his forehead and walked over to his change table.

  “Now, let’s see what kind of surprises you left for me this morning.” I tickled his chubby belly.

  He giggled and squirmed, making me laugh.

  I stripped off his dirty diaper and cleaned him up and then put a fresh one on him. He made a sound that reminded me of a sigh, like he was happy.

  I picked him up off the table and handed him a toy car.

  I reached up to turn off the light when something caught my eye. Frowning, I walked to the dresser and picked up a white piece of paper.

  I grabbed it and walked out of the room, turning off the light. Antonio fussed in my arms, so I shoved it in my pocket.

  “Baby, you are growing way too fast.” I shifted him on my hip and headed down the stairs.

  As I reached the bottom of the stairs, the phone rang. “Hello?”

  “Hi, baby.”

  I smiled. “Hey, Mom. How are you?”

  “I’m well. How are you?”

  “I’m good.” I yawned and placed Antonio in his high chair.

  “Didn’t sleep well?” she asked, concern filling her voice.

  “I slept all right, but I kept having crazy dreams.” Visions of my dream lover popped into my head, making my skin heat.

  “That’s unfortunate. What were they about?”

  My cheeks heated. “I…I can’t remember.”

  “Oh…well, if you do and need to talk about them, I’m here.”

  “Thank you.”

  “How’s my favorite grandbaby?”

  I laughed. “He’s your only grandbaby.”

  “Exactly. That’s why he’s my favorite,” she said.

  My heart swelled. For Susan McLeod to have a favorite other than herself was something new. My mother and I weren’t close by any means, and we were trying to change that. The love that she had for my son made up for the lack of love she’d given me as a child. Since I had Antonio, she visited regularly, whether she called first or not.

  “So when can I come see you?” she asked.

  “Anytime. Keisha, Garrith, and Brett are coming over later today to hang out.” I grabbed a bottle for Antonio and placed it in the microwave.

  “Oh…how is that Brett boy?”

  I frowned and leaned against the counter. “Nothing is going on with him, Mom. We’re just friends.”

  “Okay.”

  “I’m serious.” Why did I feel like she didn’t believe me?

  “Okay,” she repeated, a teasing lilt to her voice.

  I huffed but smiled, enjoying this mother-daughter banter. “Wanna come over soon?”

  “Sure.”

  I said good-bye and disconnected the line.

  The microwave dinged, and I grabbed the bottle, testing it before handing it to Antonio. His eyes went wide at the sight of food, and he smiled up at me. I leaned down and placed a kiss on his head.

  As I gathered the items to make myself breakfast, I remembered the note in my pocket. I pulled it out and unfolded it. My stomach dropped at the words staring up at me from the piece of paper.

  I told you I would find you, cochina.

  My palms went sweaty as I stared at the words on the piece of paper. Nightmares from two years ago tore into my brain like a freight train. Hands ripping at me, kneading, massaging my body. Fingers touching me, invading me… Oh God.

  Bile rose to my throat, and I made it to the sink just as I emptied my stomach. I turned on the water and washed down the contents of my belly. Too bad washing away my nightmares wasn’t that easy.

  I turned around and saw Antonio looking at me. His eyes were wide as he held his bottle out in front of him in midair. He knew something was wrong. I could see it in his little face.

  His bottom lip quivered, and just as he let out a wail, the smoke alarm went off.

  “Shit.” I ran around the kitchen, turning off the stove and opening the windows to let the smoke out. My ears rang as the loud beeping of the alarm continued echoing off the walls. Antonio continued to scream as I tried clearing the smoke out from under the alarm. “It’s okay, baby,” I yelled over the noise.

  I ran over to Antonio and picked him up, rocking him back and forth. I whispered soothingly while rubbing his back. “It’s okay, baby. Everything will be all right.” Was I trying to convince him or myself?

  Chapter 3

  Jose Alvarez found her. It took him two years, but he finally fucking found her. His hands tightened on the steering wheel as he watched the feds in the car down the street. He waved and laughed when they didn’t do anything. Fuckers. They were the law, and they couldn’t even find him.

  He wished he could have seen the look on his cochina’s face when she read the note he had left for her. It would have been fucking epic to say the least.

  The guy he’d hired to search her out finally came through when he called the other night with the happy news of where his puta was. It was about time, too. Jose was about to off the guy for doing such a shitty job. The guy was lucky. Very lucky.

  Seeing Tori’s son lying in the crib had made his stomach twist. The boy looked so much like Sebastian Chelios it was sickening. From the black hair to the long eyelashes, it was like the kid came out of Sebastian’s ass.

  He’d watched Tori as she lay in bed, curled under the covers, soft moans coming from her full lips. It made his skin hum. His body vibrated, begging for a release of any kind.

  After Jose left Tori’s, he headed back to his car and drove to his motel. Knowing a certain someone was lurking about made his blood boil. He needed to hit something—or someone—and soon. He also needed to get fucking laid. The bulge in his pants lengthened at that thought.

  When he originally saw his cochina, he was going to wake her up, talk with her. But seeing Sebastian’s eyes stare back at him nearly knocked him over. That fucker would always be around and be in the way.

  Taking him in years ago, when Sebastian was just a child, had been smart on his part. He could get Sebastian to do things for him. Dirty things. Anything Jose needed, whether it be someone owing him money or drugs, Sebastian made sure he got it. But then things backfired. Like him growing a set. Poor, pathetic Sebastian…Jose had taught the asshole everything he knew and then some. The guy was homeless. He should be grateful for what Jose did for him, but no. He stole his woman from him instead and ran away.

  Jose’s hands tightened on the steering wheel. He drove past his motel and ended up in front of a bar instead. He parked about a block away, reached into his jacket, and pulled out a small baggie. He dumped some powder onto the black dash and lined it up with the sharp edge of the b
ag. The white line of coke stared up at him. Begging to be inhaled. If he had a needle, he would just inject instead. Got him high quicker. But breathing it in would have to do.

  Jose’s blood pumped through his body. After the first hit, he let he soothing effects of the drug wash over him.

  He wet his finger and wiped up the rest of the powder. After releasing it on a pop, he got out of the vehicle and walked to the shady bar. He wasn’t a fan of the fancy dance clubs. The women there judged too quickly. They were only after his money anyways.

  The sound of country music invaded his ears, and if he didn’t need alcohol and sex, he probably would have driven away. Jacking off wouldn’t do it. Even though it was still early in the day, the music thumped through the bar. He needed the warmth of a woman’s pussy wrapped around his cock as he fucked her hard.

  Even though in the past two years he had sex with a lot of women, Tori McLeod always came to his mind. From the first moment he’d seen her at the club a couple of years before, he’d wanted her. He didn’t know why. It probably had to do with Sebastian wanting her. But Jose didn’t care. He just knew he needed her in a way that was animalistic. The obsession he felt for Tori took over his mind and body. The unexplained need he had towards her took over his life. He would have her. Even if it killed him.

  Chapter 4

  “This doesn’t mean anything, Tori,” Garrith said as I handed him a beer. He sat on my couch, shoulders slouched, staring at the note from Jose.

  Yeah, right. He knew it meant something, but he didn’t want to scare me. Too late for that. I was absolutely terrified.

  “Like hell it doesn’t,” Keisha argued, ripping the note from his hands. She stood and pointed at me. “Tori, we need to get you out of here.”

  My eyes widened as I sat beside Brett on the chaise. “I’m not…”

  “Don’t start jumping to conclusions, love. This might not…”

  Her head whipped back toward his. “Garrith, seriously, are you fucking listening to yourself right now?” Keisha exclaimed, placing her hands on her hips.

  “You better watch the attitude, Keisha,” Garrith said firmly.

  “Yeah? Or else what?” Keisha rolled her eyes.

  His gaze darkened, a hint of hunger flashing in them.

  My cheeks heated as if I’d walked in on a private conversation. The way they acted reminded me of Sebastian and me. My eyes watered.

  “They’re going to be fighting about this for a while,” Brett said quietly to me.

  I sighed, leaning my head against his shoulder, trying to move past the ugly beast of jealousy lashing its tail. “I didn’t want to tell anyone. I don’t want you guys to worry.”

  “Why wouldn’t we worry?” he linked our fingers. I watched as his calloused free thumb trailed tiny circles over the back of my hand. Every time he touched me, even just a small gesture, I compared it to Sebastian. No tingle, no spark, no wanting or needing spread through me. I didn’t ache for him like I did Sebastian. I almost giggled. Wouldn’t he be happy knowing that he had ruined me for all men? I was attracted to Brett. Who wouldn’t be? He was supermodel perfect with light brown hair and deep blue eyes, but he wasn’t Sebastian Chelios. There was only one Sebastian, and he was no longer around.

  A lump formed in my throat, and I released Brett’s hand. “I need some air.”

  Excusing myself, I grabbed a beer from the fridge.

  “Do you want company?” Brett asked as I pulled open the patio door.

  I smiled at his thoughtfulness. “Give me a little bit.” I needed some time alone. Away from the happiness that surrounded my friends. I wanted to wallow in my own self-pity for a little bit.

  He nodded and turned to Keisha and Garrith. “If you guys don’t stop arguing, I’m going to bash your heads together.”

  I laughed and stepped out onto the deck, heading to the swing set. The cool midnight air washed around me, caressing my body. Shivers ran down my back, and I wrapped the sweater tighter around my shoulders as I sat on the swing. After taking a swig from my beer, I placed it on the ground.

  I kicked and swung into the air, letting the cool wind kiss my skin. Keisha didn’t know what she was talking about. I couldn’t leave. This was my home. Antonio’s home. It was all he knew. I couldn’t take him away from it. She meant well, though. She was trying to look out for us. But if Jose was back, no matter where we went, he would find us. Bile rose in my throat, and I had to swallow several times before I was able to relax.

  I closed my eyes and let the wind whip through my hair as I swung higher and higher. It was freeing. Garrith and Brett had built this swing for me as soon as I moved into this house.

  The hairs on the back of my neck tingled. I opened my eyes and caught Brett looking at me through the patio door. I smiled.

  He waved and headed back to the living room.

  Sadness and guilt ate at my stomach. He probably thought I was leading him on. Was I? I stopped the swing. I grabbed the bottle of beer as a shuffle in the trees sounded at the back of the yard. My heart sped up, beating hard against my chest as my eyes flicked around the open space. The lights from my patio didn’t expand over the whole backyard, and nervous butterflies roamed through my belly. “Is someone there?” I called out. Yeah, as if they would answer, Tori. Rising from the swing, I took a step toward my house. Chills ran down my spine as the trees ruffled again.

  “Tori?”

  I jumped and turned to the sound of Brett’s voice.

  His brows furrowed. “Is everything okay?”

  I looked back at the shadows at the end of the yard. Something was out there. Something watched me. Not sure why, but it didn’t overly scare me, either. I just wanted to know what was in my yard. Even if it was an animal. Just knowing would make me feel a whole hell of a lot better. “I think something’s in the trees.”

  “It’s probably just a raccoon.”

  I frowned. “But…”

  “What’s going on?” Garrith asked, strolling up beside Brett.

  “She thinks there’s something in the trees,” Brett answered for me.

  “I’m on it.”

  Leave it to Garrith to always believe me. A moment later, two beams of light came around the side of my house. Gordon Cramer and John Lector came into view as they headed to the corner of my backyard with Garrith following behind them. The two FBI agents that Garrith assigned to watch my house used to annoy the hell out of me, but at this point, I was thankful. There was something more important than me to protect now.

  “Tori, you should come inside.” Keisha grabbed my arm.

  “I can’t.” I needed to see what they would find, if anything. Something now told me that it wasn’t an animal ruffling the trees. With Jose still being out there and me getting that note from him, I had to question whether Keisha was right. Maybe I should leave for a couple of days. Who would I stay with? If Jose wanted me, he would find me. Even my friends knew it.

  “Well, then, I’m standing out here with you,” she said, linking her arm in mine.

  Brett came out and joined us, placing an arm around my shoulders. He kissed the top of my head. “You two are way too stubborn for your own good.”

  We watched as the lights bounced around in the trees, searching.

  A moment later, the three men emerged from the woods and strolled to the house.

  “Did you find anything?” Keisha asked as she stepped into Garrith’s arms.

  A twinge of jealousy spread through me, and I looked away, feeling guilty. Would I ever be able to handle seeing my friends happy? They had been through so much. They of all people deserved happiness.

  “Nothing back there,” Garrith answered.

  “I’m sorry for bugging you guys,” I said to Gordon and John.

  “It’s never a bother, ma’am,” Gordon, the older of the two, stated. His dark eyes were warm as they looked down at me.

  John just nodded, his lips turning up a bit at the corners. His piercing green eyes shone with excitement, bu
t other than that, he was a stone. They said good night and headed back to their car.

  “Are you okay?” Keisha asked me.

  “No,” I answered honestly. I walked back to the swing set and sat down. I moved back and forth slowly, resting my chin on my hand as I held onto the swing.

  Brett whispered something to Garrith and Keisha before walking over to me. They headed inside, leaving us alone.

  “How are you doing, baby girl?” Brett sat on the swing beside me.

  I sighed, smiling weakly. “I don’t know. I’m more furious than mad. If Jose actually was here, he’d been in my son’s room, and that pisses me off more than anything. A ruffling shook through the trees behind us, sending shivers up my spine.

  Brett looked past me, frowning.

  “Anyways, I just...it’s been two years, and I want this over.” The same shuffling noise sounded again.

  Brett smiled sympathetically. “I know. I spoke with Garrith. We’re going to get your locks changed.” Looking down at me, his blue eyes heated in the dimness of the patio lighting.

  I nodded. My throat dried up as he leaned down, his lips mere inches from mine. I froze, my heart pounding against my chest.

  “Tori,” he said breathily, gently caressing my cheek. He had kissed me before, but this seemed different. More intense. The air crackled around us. Did I want this? Was I ready? I closed my eyes as warm lips covered mine. Goose bumps rose on my skin. For some reason I was nervous. Nervous that I was kissing another man.

  Brett wrapped a hand around the back of my neck and deepened the kiss. His tongue touched my lips, attempting to push its way inside me. A part of me wanted to kiss him back, but I hesitated. A bang from the shed out back forced us apart. “What the hell was that?” Brett gasped.

  I shook my head, my mind reeling. “I…I’m not sure.”

  He rose and ran a hand through his hair. His shoulders were stiff. I’d never seen him mad before.

  I realized that I was grateful. I wasn’t ready, and I didn’t know if I would ever be. Brett deserved better. “Brett.”